Musings On A Rainy Day

So far, this year has been full of various trips, falls, misses, and failures – some of them figurative, many of them literal.  A few of them I’ve talked about here, but most of them I haven’t.

There has been one drama in my life that’s been playing out for months now and involves my husband’s health.  He’s been fighting a recurring problem that simply won’t go away and finally it escalated into a full-blown crisis.

Three trips to the ER in 3 days has been very stressful.  It’s weighed heavily on both of us that this might be that of which we mustn’t ever speak … for fear of making it real.

I’m mentioning this only because I don’t often write about deeply personal stuff – with the notable exception of the pity party I was throwing myself all summer.

Random storm clouds

I compartmentalize my life into the stuff I talk about and that which I prefer to keep private – often even from family and friends.  “Opening up” is not something I do casually.  Thought and care is usually involved.

I think most of us have this private side in varying degrees, especially if we’re a self-proclaimed introvert.  There are those of us who are more comfortable listening and observing rather than talking … those of us who like the written word because it provides us with time to reflect on what we want to say, and how we want to say it.

In the written word, I can be far more clever and insightful than I ever am on any given day “in the real world”.

It’s a bit of a paradox that the blogging world attracts people like us who are usually quiet and comfortable blending into the background, but with a deep need to express ourselves and whatever our chosen form of creativity might be.

On one hand, we may have difficulty with self-expression within our limited circle of family and friends, but we’re prepared to toss it out to the world-at-large. There is usually that small moment of terror as we hit the ‘Publish’ button.  We obsess about whether this time we shared a little too much.

In case you’re wondering, I’m not really going anywhere with this post.  It truly is a random musing, most likely the product of too much worry and too little sleep.

It’s likely I’m going to continue filtering my world of self-doubts, insecurities, and various neuroses … but I do know that this blogging community is a good place for people who need to share – even if that sharing is not the full story.

And yes – Gilles is ok.

This post was inspired by Photos by Emilio.  Read his story here.