Just in case you should start to think that this year has been all doom and gloom for me, I need to balance the scales … for there has also been great joy.
On Thanksgiving Weekend, our oldest son Jordan and his partner, Dempsey, announced their engagement.
We can’t be more thrilled and excited.
Many of you know, and more of you have already gleaned from my blog, that my beautiful, dark-eyed son is gay.
Jordan “came out” to Gilles and I a few months after his 16th birthday. I’m sure it was as traumatic for him as it was for us … but while he quickly moved on, happily secure in his newly established identity, we were gob-smacked.
Our biggest overwhelming emotion was fear. Yes, we live in one of the most gay-friendly cities, in one of the most gay-friendly countries, in the world … but there is still a frightening amount of senseless homophobia out there.
We feared for our son’s long term safety and happiness. The world suddenly became a lot scarier for us. We didn’t sleep much in that first week.
I told Jordan one evening that he would have to be patient with us. Every parent overlays a vision of the future on top of their child – some of it vague, some of it well-defined. One of mine was someday dancing at Jordan’s wedding. I was already mourning that loss.
I told him we would need time to let go of some of these dreams and “rewrite” new ones.
He handled us with a maturity beyond his years. Ironic, isn’t it? I’ll be forever grateful.
We were lucky to also have the support of thoughtful friends who helped us re-frame our paralyzing fear and sense of loss. One of the pieces of advice I received was to not assume we lost anything. The world was changing.
A little more than 4 years later, in 2005, Canada legalized same-sex marriage. It became a game-changer. Here I am – 11 years later – bursting with joy, because my son is going to be married. My dream of dancing at his wedding is alive again.
We dearly love Jordan’s partner, Dempsey. We already think of him as one of our own. In that respect, this wedding will be a formality … but at the same time, I guarantee that both Gilles and I will cry shamelessly.
They will be tears of happiness and boundless love for these 2 fine men.
❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤
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[…] As the days tick down to son #1’s wedding in June, that’s exactly how I’m feeling, so please indulge me while I give you a sneak peek into what’s ahead. In case you missed my post about their engagement, you can read about it here. […]
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Warmest congratulations to these young men. When I was growing up in the closet, I could never have dreamt that we’d have such freedom and openness in my lifetime. And hey! I’m not too old to enjoy it all with my partner.
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Growing up in the closet couldn’t have been a warm and fuzzy place to be 😦
So glad you’re now able to enjoy the openness!
We have come such a long way … but sadly there are still so many battles to fight.
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Onwards and Upwards! 😊
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Clearly I am going backwards in my blog catch up.
Congratulations to your son and his partner! While challenges and judgments still occur, I’m so very thankful that our children can live openly.
Very happy for you all!
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Thank you so much! The times are a-changing 🙂
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Yes, thank goodness. My son came out at 25; kids today as teens. I’m thankful for that so fewer people suffer in silence until they feel brave or strong enough to come out.
My nieces and nephews? They’re all saying “whats the big deal?”
Love it!
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That’s the real sign of change … when the next generation accept something as a *given*. I love it too!!
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A handsome couple, indeed. Tears will flow, for sure, and remember to choose sensible shoes for the dancing.
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Thanks 🙂
You can be certain I’ll be choosing the shoes with great care!
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Weddings are such a joy. They are filled with promise, the future, and love. I’m so glad you will be dancing at their wedding!
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Thanks Corina. I agree about weddings – any wedding! They are clearly all those things and more 🙂
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Congrats to your entire family! Celebrations on many levels….
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Thank you. We will definitely be celebrating for a while 🙂
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Congratulations to you all. Enjoy the preparations 🙂
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Thanks Ruth … but I suspect we won’t be having a huge (or any) amount of say in the wedding plans. It will be so damn hard! 😉
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Congratulations! I hosted a wedding for my sister and her wife-to-be last year and it was such a heartfelt and joyous event. When she came out to me many years ago, I too was concerned for her safety and her ability to to formally celebrate a lasting relationship when the time came. Luckily we live in a country that recognizes that love is love and that the recognition and celebration of this is not to be limited to heterosexuals only. The world needs more love, not hate. Always, and especially now!
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Amen!! You said it so well!! Thank you 🙂
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Congratulations. I guess it’s time to put on your dancing shoes. Isn’t it something? Gay marriage is legal in many countries now, and yet the world has not come to an end. I love these educational times we live in.
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Amazing, isn’t it?
Hopefully in another generation, this will no longer be debated anywhere but simply accepted as perfectly reasonable.
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Oh this is FABULOUS! Congratulations! They are both so handsome and look very happy! How exciting. Lets hope the world keeps changing towards acceptance.
Peta
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Amen to that, Peta!! 🙂
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Yipee!
That is fantastic news and what a couple of hotties!
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LOL – I thought it was just maternal pride that made me think so 🙂
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I’m so very happy for you all! xoxo
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Thanks Nancy. This is an exciting time 🙂
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Congratulations, Joanne – Enjoy the dancing…you deserve it!
Donna
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Thank you Donna. Dancing is a great way to celebrate, isn’t it? 🙂
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Congratulations to these fine young men! I am very happy for you and your family. Dance with happy feet my friend!
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Thanks Tree 🙂
I will definitely be dancing happy!!
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🙂
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Congratulations Joanne; what wonderful news, and a lovely counterpoint to all that your family has endured this year. Wishing your son and his husband-to-be a long and happy life together.
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Thank you so much!! ❤
I can't begin to describe how full my heart feels 🙂
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Many congratulations. Your post was very insightful and reminded me of the turmoil a friend of mine went through when her son told her he was gay. Your initial fears for your son’s future mirror hers. It’s a natural response for a parent to have and isn’t it wonderful that your fears were unfounded? Enjoy that dance. 🙂
Susan A Eames at
Travel, Fiction and Photos
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I hope your friend was able to reconcile her concerns. I still have really bad moments – like this past June at the Orlando gay club shooting. I cried for days – but generally we’re ok now.
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Congrats to you all. The world needs a lot more love right about now so happy positive news like this is definitely pleasant to hear 😀
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I agree Norm. The world does need a lot more happy positive news. Glad I could contribute 🙂
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Awww….my heart sings for you and your beautiful family. Congratulations! Please please take and post plenty of pictures – I haven’t been to a happy wedding in so long. xo
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I LOVE weddings … they are always such happy affairs.
There will definitely be a LOT of photos. Thank you so much! ❤
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This blog does possess a stunning ability to surpass earlier brilliance with posts such as this. Congratulations to all. May the day when intolerance and ignorance is a tall story passed on by word of mouth to disbelieving future generations. What a beautiful fillet for Gilles after his ER exploits. Really pleased for you, Joanne. I may be a virtual stranger but from reading your ‘page turner’ posts (I’m only about a year behind now) we’re not that different (although I could never get to the start line of one ironman, never mind what you’ve achieved!)
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Thank you Phil … my head is going to start to get big from all your kind words 🙂
I know what you mean about telling tall tales to future generations. Once upon a time, giving women the right to vote was extremely radical and hard-fought. Now it’s a no-brainer.
I hope that we can look back on so many of the issues that are routinely debated today – like racism, homophobia, anti-Muslim – and think of these as antiquated and backward thinking.
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I’m a bit behind on my reading (well, lots) because of other commitments but there was no way I could let this one pass me by. I don’t think I could express enough joy and pride for your news. As always, I sit in jealousy at what you have in Canada – the tolerance, the humanity, the compassion – while I cringe at the actions of my own government. I am so happy for Jordan, Dempsey and all in Canada who have the freedom to marry the person they love. It is not a right afforded to all. Congratulations! You all deserve the most mega of happy days. 🙂
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There are some things I just take as no-brainers. Human rights and equal rights are at the top of that list and it baffles me as to why we continue to have debates on these issues.
Could you imagine being a Muslim, immigrant, gay woman right now in some parts of the world?!
Thank you as always for your kind words. Any celebration of love is a mega happy day ❤
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Yeah, I wouldn’t want to be one in Oz right now. I’d be inclined to move across the ditch to New Zealand. (For the first time ever, the net migration between us and the NZ is in the Kiwis’ favour.) I could start a rant about spending $200m to run a plebiscite to get a survey result that every other survey result could already tell you that isn’t even binding on MPs anyway but let’s keep this jolly and happy and Canadian. 🙂
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Ok – I’ll stay entrenched in my little happy zone … although admittedly Gilles already dented it this morning by bringing up the latest bit of Trump poison (I’ve been trying unsuccessfully to declare myself a Trump-free zone).
I am deeply sorry about your current state of political dysfunction though. I had hoped your last election would finally see you sail out of that mess 😦
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Mazel Tov! What a wonderful event for you and your family. Your writing is so honest and heartfelt Joanne ❤️
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Thanks Carol. We are so happy … for us, for them … it’s all good 🙂
Who doesn’t love a wedding?!!
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❤ Love this post, warmest congratulations to Jordan and Dempsey. Let the Mother of the Groom shopping begin! New outfit! I love your post so much Joanne, so honest and true. I've had to do a little rewriting of my own but that is all I can say x
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I have to admit that I’ve already been doing some thinking about wedding clothes 😉 … but until the guys actually pick a date, which will likely be in 2018, I think I’ll try to resist the lure of the hunt 🙂
Re-writing that script of a child’s life is a challenge for parents, regardless of the reason … but when your heart is full of love, it doesn’t take long 🙂
In the end we figure out it’s their script after all!
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How wonderful! What fine boys they are. Love is the most important thing in the world. Enjoy the wedding and being a part of their lives. The future’s exciting. x
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Love is the best! ❤
Thank you so much. I agree that the future looks pretty exciting 🙂
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Congratulations Joanne! How wonderful for them and for you – dancing at your child’s wedding is the best! When they find the right person to spend their life with, it is truly something to rejoice.
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That’s the most important thing any parent wants for their child – to find love and happiness 🙂
Sharing happy news is the best!
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I attended my son’s wedding this past Saturday and dancing at your son’s wedding is one of life’s great pleasures. I’m happy for Jordan and Dempsey-even though I only know them from your blog but I’m thrilled for you as your joy comes through in this post. Congratulations.
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Ahhh! So you know first hand the excitement I’m going through right now!!
Congratulations to you and your son! I imagine you are still feeling the glow from your son’s wedding weekend ❤
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What fabulous news, and you can dance your heart out at the wedding, dance as if you were 10!! There is so much wrong with the world today, but then there is also so much that is right, so much that has changed for the better and this is certainly one of them, so happy for them both. Xx
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omg – I better start training now if I’m going to be dancing like I’m 10!! 😉
I had a conversation this week with another blogger about the overwhelming focus on bad news in the media. It drags us down. We forget there is also a lot of wonderful.
Love is a wonderful thing ❤
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10 year olds know all the moves these days! So true the media does focus on so much negativity, but there really is so much good around too. Xx
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There are a lot of good people doing great things. Too bad they’re often being drowned out.
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Congratulations to the happy couple and now you and Gilles will have something wonderful to look forward to!
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I think anticipation is one of the best parts of any special event 🙂
I hope I don’t drive everyone crazy with my endless bubbling 🙂
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Congratulations, Joanne. Your story reminded me of the day when when our oldest daughter came out to us. She was 26 and had just met the love of her life. Ten years later and still together they made it official and married last February. Like you we were worried for her happiness and safety but we loved her partner from day one and called her our daughter-in-law long before the wedding. Enjoy the wedding, the food, the music and hopefully a dance or two with your son, son-in-law and husband. Carol
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I remember when your daughter got married in February – and thinking how lucky you were. Maybe I’m old-fashioned, but there’s something very special about a life commitment made to each other. Is there anyone who doesn’t love a wedding for that very reason?!!
It’s wonderful to see our children in love, to see our children happy … but it’s icing on the cake when we love their partners too 😉
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Congratulations – so happy for all of you!
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Thank you 🙂
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Congratulations to Jordan and Dempsey as well as you and Gilles 🍾
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Thanks Joe. There was definitely a lot of celebrating after that announcement. A few people were really hurting the next day 😉
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Congratulations for them and you! You’re not losing a son, you’re xeroxing him! 😉 Ha ha!
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bwahahahahaha!! I love that!!
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Congratulations Joanne! What a happy day!
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Thank you so much! I have a feeling I’m going to be riding this happy wave for a while 🙂
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How wonderful that you’ll be dancing at his wedding! Congratulations to them both! I wish them a lifetime of joy and happiness together!
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Thank you!! It is a little presumptuous of me to assume they will have a dance at their wedding … but if not, I’ll work it in somehow 🙂
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And this is what we most love about you….that in the middle of your own over-long recovery, your disappointment over your lost trip, and your husband’s health crisis you still find time to stop the world and share your son’s joy and shout your joy and pride aloud. I see most of your commenters had tears as they read this and I admit I teared up too….it’s an amazing thing when you can translate your heart into words, but I think that’s what you did right here! Congratulations, proud mama. Jordan and Dempsey are lucky guys!
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I admit that I was crying when I wrote this post. It’s very emotional to – as you put it – translate your heart into words.
As you know with your own children, we get so entwined with their lives. When they’re sad, we’re miserable, and when they’re happy, our lives are wonderful ❤
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Woo Hoo! Enjoy the wedding . . . on with the dance!
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I think I should start working on my *moves*. It might take me a while 😉
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I am very happy for all of you. When there is this much love, it has to be right. Congratulations !
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Thanks Dan. We could all use a little more love in this world 🙂
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Congratulations to your whole beautiful family! If there isn’t any scheduled dancing at their wedding, there are no rules that you can’t do a little jig yourself.
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Exactly! You read my mind 🙂
… but I also know my family. I won’t be dancing alone … it might be out in a parking lot somewhere with the car radio playing, but there will be dancing 😉
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You are very proud Mama and you should be. The couple looks very happy. The world is changing indeed, and one day all the negativity will be gone, then everybody will be allowed to choose and love a partner and people won’t be judgemental anymore. Big changes have happened in my lifetime and even more. will happen when I will be gone.
There is hope after all. I am so happy for you and your family. Congratulations to the couple and to your family.
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Thank you so much Bridget.
It really is incredible how much the world has changed so far in our lifetimes – some bad, but a lot good too.
Certainly lgbtq awareness and rights is high on that list.
I too believe that someday lgbtq rights will be unquestioned – like women voting today.
In the meantime, there are still a lot of people who need a serious attitude readjustment.
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One of my best friends was gay. We had so much fun together. We went out, one week I chose, the next he did. Then I moved to the U .S. and I was shocked how much they were behind here.
Gay people here were still in the closet, afraid to admit the obvious. I almost got arrested when I took my top off at a beach.
As for the America I love, this election will set the direction for years to come. It’s not just the Presidency, it’s also the Supreme court. There is a vacant seat and it will bring us further, or throw us years back.
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After watching this current election campaign, I’m terribly pessimistic right now.
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I am very optimistic until the end. The election is one day after my birthday and I am not trying to be complicated, but I don’t want Donald as a present. 🙂
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Good grief! The horror! That’s not a gift. That’s a curse!
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As parents, although we try not to lean too hard on ‘our’ dreams for our children it is a very hard thing to do. I like your idea of doing a ‘rewrite.’ Congratulations on your two much loved children tying the proverbial knot which will allow you to buy that special dress and dance the night away. 🙂
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Thanks so much Judy.
This wedding will be a huge celebration for our family! I can hardly wait ❤
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Awww. I can feel your joy, Joanne. I’m all teary. Love is a pretty amazing thing. Congrats and don’t break anything before the wedding! ❤
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Memo to self: No Cycling before the wedding!!
Thanks Diana. Every parent wants to see their children happy in life. I see that happiness in Jordan and Dempsey and it fills me with joy ❤
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Absolutely 🙂 It will be a blast, I’m sure.
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Congratulations Joanne! This truly brought tears to my eyes.
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Thanks Marissa. I cried as I wrote it 🙂
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Congratulations to your son on his engagement! It’s great that your dream to dance at his wedding will come true!
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I KNOW!! Isn’t it wonderful?!
Life is full of twists and turns ❤
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Dear God, you’ve made me weep. I’m so happy for all of you! How exciting! More love, always more love ❤
I have so many gay family members, I hadn't even considered my own children might all be straight. I mean, we have four, what are the odds they'd all be straight? They're not all straight, and I don't care, but I totally relate to the fear you feel. Not safe enough, YET.
As for really big fears and expectations, I secretly hope they don't all move to hot places, or become Republicans, or become religious zealots — totally selfish fears, but hey, at least I'm honest!
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Your comment reminded me of a conversation I had recently with a friend about the unconditional love we have for our children. Her observation was that if her child became an ax-murderer it *might* shake her acceptance *a little*. I know that sounds a bit glib, but it does sum up pretty well how we feel about our kids ❤
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Your friend is good people. *nods*
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Congratulations! 🙂 I wish them a long happy life together.
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Thank you! ❤
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I have goosebumps! Your love and joy ooze from the post. I am so happy for Jordan and Dempsey. Happy for their love and commitment, happy for the acceptance of friends, family and country and happy for you at this wonderful union. Please pass on our sincere congrats to both and of course to you and Gilles.
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Oh Sue! I know you’ve been there with yours, so you know how happy and exciting this phase of a parent’s life can be! Straight, gay, it doesn’t matter. Love is wonderful ❤
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Absolutely sister! Cant wait to hear about the plans.
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I could have said, Enjoy the music and dance,” I leave it to you. ❤
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I’m leaking al little here. Who moved my Kleenex?
A heart throbbing story, Joanne.You get to dance three times in a row at your son’s wedding. Enjoy the love and music. ❤ ❤ ❤
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I am of course being presumptuous that there will in fact be a dance at their wedding 😉
If not, I’ll just have to figure out a dance – or three – somewhere! ❤
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There’s always a dance for the mother–isn’t there? 😊😋🤗😍
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If not, there should be!! 😉
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Oh Joanne, I am bursting with joy right along with you! How wonderful that Jordan & Dempsey have chosen to make the commitment of marriage to one another. Please extend my heartiest congratulations to both of them. You better get dancing shoe shopping girlfriend!
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I wonder if I can talk Gilles into dancing lessons again? 😉
Like Sue, you’ve been there before with your children so you know how wonderful this phase is in a parent’s life ❤
btw – grandchild yet?
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It is the best! No grandchild yet🙁 Baby seems very content to stay right where he/she is!
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Babies have their own schedule. I’m sure he/she is getting ready for a grand entrance! 🙂
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We’re counting on it!
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